Oh Facebook. Thanks For The Memories?


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Hey April. WTF? I was seriously excited to see you, but so far, you suck. I mean, except for yesterday when it was 70 degrees for like 10 minutes. But I was at an indoor birthday party with my 6-year-old, so guess what? I still think you suck!

Come on. Be cool! Don’t be all like, uncool. (I’m taking my cues from the Countess. We both like to day drink, so I consider her a close friend. Not a friend who I actually know in real life, but stop being so judgy! Like you KNOW all YOUR friends. I mean, that’s like the whole basis of social media.)

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Anyway, thanks to Facebook, not only do I get to relive my awkward preteen years, I’m also getting a chance to relive every insignificant daily post I’ve ever shared.

Ah, Facebook! How did you know I’d want to remember the stupid shit I told my “friends” exactly one-to-eight years ago today? Now I know all y’all don’t believe a scribe like myself would ever compose anything but elegant prose that generations will study long after I’m in the ground, but trust me, comments such as:

April 4, 2015 at 12:24pm · Chicago

Learned from my kids that Passover has something to do with cleaning, so I shaved above the knee today…

might be best forgotten, no?

Maybe I just wanted the masses to know body hair isn’t kosher for Passover? Not sure what my intention was on 4/4/15, but fortunately, the holiday isn’t celebrated until the end of April this year, so grow on thigh pricklies, grow on!

In the meantime, here are a few more historical Facebook references from the genius that is Jo Aaron:

April 4, 2014 at 3:44pm · Chicago ·

I’ve lost my voice. Why does my husband look so happy?
Actually, this one will stand the test of time. My husband will always be happy when the wifey goes dark. He’s not much of a chatter. He’s much more of a let’s-be-really-silent-together-and-watch-TV-but-I’ll-love-you-til-the-day-I-die kind of guy and he’s all mine.
Hands off ladies!
April 4, 2013 at 2:49pm · Chicago ·

So sad Roger Ebert. You may have only given Dumb and Dumber two stars but I still liked you. 
I loved Dumb and Dumber. I love all dumb movies. I’m childish and silly and I like movies that are just like me. The dumb and dumber the better and betterer. Ebert may not have agreed but I liked that man a lot.
April 4, 2012 at 9:25pm ·

Is this my daughter or is this my daughter? Doing her nails, reading a trashy magazine and telling me who wore it best. I worship this child!
Joanna Aaron's photo.
Foreshadowing at it’s finest, as this is the same child who begged me on the way to school this very morning to book a manicure appointment if she earns it this week. Ahhh, my adorable mini-mine. You make all of my Sephora senses tingle in the best way possible!
April 4, 2010 at 7:27am ·

We’re going to the yacht club’s Easter brunch-should be fun; Fish is scared of the guy in the bunny costume and Brad is pissed about wearing a jacket on a Sunday morning.
While my son is no longer scared of costumed bunnies, my husband still hates dressing up on Sundays. And Saturdays. And Mondays-Fridays. Honey, the kids have grown up so much…maybe we should too?
Actually, forget that. There’s too much shaving involved.

 

 

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