Here’s the deal: I used to love Anne Hathaway. She played the role of a girl in my dream job in The Devil Wears Prada–ok, maybe I didn’t want to be an assistant to the assistant at Vogue, but I certainly wouldn’t have minded being a fashion editor who had access to the accessories closet and styling department.
Actually, Anne may have been my favorite actress until Rachel Getting Married. That ruined it a little for me. Everyone was drooling over it and I just thought that movie was awful. I know, it’s so anti-Academy of me to say, but I hated it. Two hours of never-ending rehearsal dinner speeches from every single actor in the room plus a post-rehab mess, plus a child’s death equalled me wasting a precious date night with my husband.
And then Anne did Bride Wars and all was forgiven. No, I don’t think it was a good movie–(OMG I LOVED IT)–but I’m a sucker for a best-friend-chick-flick, so sue me. I also felt so bad for Anne for having to carry the Oscars in 2011, that I think I started loving her again out of pure pity.
And then she did Les Miserable.
As much as I hated what she did to one of my all time favorite songs, I defended her. I probably did it more out of sheer jealousy that she could lose so much weight for a role when I’ve been trying to lose 10 pounds for about 15 years, but nevertheless, I defended her.
Actually, had she been kept out of the Oscars race, Anne and I would have continued along fine, enjoying our (completely one-sided and totally imaginary) friendship that we have in my head where we’re not exactly close friends, but we-say-hi-how-are-you-when-we-see-each-other fake friends.
So here I was, trying to have this semi-friendly thing going on and she has to kill it with her acceptance speeches. I wanted to write her this letter:
I know we’re not that close, but I feel like I have to tell you that the world only has room for one humble-yet-adorably/annoyingly-excited Oscar winner and her name is Julia. Yes, as in Roberts. Unless you actually ARE Julia Roberts, you are not allowed to play coy and cute on the Oscar stage. You just look insincere. And we all know, Hollywood actresses are nothing if not sincere.
By the way, want to grab sushi this weekend or are you still on your one cracker a day diet?
Anne’s Golden Globes speech annoyed me, but I, once again, forgave her because she’s young and she shouldn’t have won–I too was surprised, but it wasn’t like it was an Oscar.
However by the time the Oscars rolled around and gossip (true or false) about hiring speech writers, taking acting lessons to help her feign excitement and all the other crap in the tabloids was out, I was so far over Anne, I almost didn’t watch her category. Ok, that’s a lie. Nothing would have kept me from Oscar, but I’m trying to make a dramatic point. In the end, thank god she wore that horrible nipple dress–at least I had something to laugh at.
So I had this Anne Hathaway conversation with someone today, who actually brought it up to me. The person I was talking to had absolutely NO love for the Hath. So I posed a question:
Which actress should have played Fantine in Les Miserable?
Post your pick in the comments below.
PS: I’m going to the MTV Movie Awards in a few weeks and guess who is nominated for an award?! Looks like this post is gonna get a little follow-up.