Turns out Johnny Hopkins and his smarty-pants-science friends are giving kids another reason to complain about mommy to their therapists.
Apparently, if mom suffered from postpartum, baby’ll have a 50% chance of being short. So if I wore stirrup pants and shoulder pads in the 80’s will my kids be tall? I’m not totally sure I understand the science of it all, but you know the ‘news’…it has a way of making everything sound definite. Like this..
I’m so annoyed. Isn’t it enough that moms push whole people the size of a large vegetable (according to the baby tracker) through their bodies. I’m just going to remind my kids one more time…my darling children, I pushed you, with every muscle, breath and all of my force, through my hoohoo. And it hurt. It hurt a lot.
Not that I blame you.
So are you really going to blame me for making you short?
Blame me for making you have a playdate with the hyper kid because I’m friends with his mom. Blame me for making you wear that way-to-colorful sweater in your 1st grade school picture. Blame me for the haircut that made people ask me if you were a boy or a girl for a full year.
But do NOT, under any circumstances, blame me for having the blues after giving birth.
Yes, I was the luckiest mommy to have you in my arms, but that didn’t negate the fact that I thought you hated me; I couldn’t make you stop crying or start eating; I realized my body was never going to be the same; I still looked pregnant but I wasn’t; I worried about you being healthy and safe for the rest of your life; I stressed about the pediatrician/neighbor/in-laws calling DCFS on me for not knowing what I was doing; I watched a really sad Hallmark/toilet paper/insurance/Burger King commercial; or any of the other millions of reasons a woman may get depressed following childbirth.
Jokes aside, postpartum depression is very serious, should not go untreated, and can make even the most together woman fall to pieces. And while the findings in the JH research seem to be aimed at those with severe, long lasting postpartum depression, if you dealt with a bout of baby blues for a couple of months following childbirth, you probably don’t have to worry about being a culprit in the case of the short kid vs. the mommy.
In any case, if you come from a bunch of shorties yourself, it’s probably smarter to be pissed at genetics than your own mommy. After all, making her feel small isn’t going to make you taller.