I’m Going For Olympic Gold!

Sure, he can do this. But can he change a diaper with one hand?

Michael Phelps is a tremendous athlete with his big muscles and fast arms, but I don’t totally agree he deserves the amount of medals he has. I mean, I know he’s beat out countless opponents in countless races, but so what. I gave birth-I pushed a human being through me. Twice. Where the hell is my medal?

Instead of being bitter about my lack of internationally recognized gold medallions, it occurred to me that my life is just like the Olympics, except that I’m competing everyday, not just every 4 years. So let’s be honest-who’s the real hero? Michael or his mama?

Well, let’s see…

Athletes wake up everyday in the wee hours of morn to practice their sport. Mommies wake up at the crack of dawn to wrestle with kids to get them dressed, cleaned up, and fed just to be able to leave the house. Everyday. Without days off. And no one cheers us on. No one asks for an autograph or stands in the kitchen offering coaching advice. I think mommies win that one.

Olympians have to race the clock. Mommies can’t be late to anything out of fear of being “that” mom. You know, the one who can’t get her shit together to get her kids anywhere on time. Ever see a mom of 2 take a shower without another adult around to watch the kids? Sorry Phelps, but that’s what’s called really racing through water.

Ever watched a curling match? Remind you of anything? Swiffer + your dirty floors = a chance to qualify as the captain of the US Curling Team!

And don’t even get me started on weightlifting. Honey, please. I weight lift 2 people, 1 diaper bag, 1 purse and a cup of Starbuck’s finest around the city of Chicago every day. You seen my guns? They have Olympic gold written all over them.

Of course, Olympians train for years to be the best athlete possible. Now here’s where we differ.

Moms get absolutely no prep time. No matter how many books you read or how many mommy friends tell you they know/have the BEST thing that’s going to make you the perfect mom before your own child comes along, parenting is one of those things that you have to just do to understand. It’s a hands on sport.

And I realize that there are probably plenty of Olympic athletes who are parents, but I bet if you ask them what’s harder, their sport or parenting, parenting would win in seconds flat.

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