Mommy Dirt


“I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth,” says PEOPLE’s 2012 World’s Most Beautiful Woman (Beyonce). “I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.”

In case Beyonce doesn’t get enough praise for being gorgeous, I just want to personally congratulate her for being the MOST beautiful of us all!
I do, however, have to call her out for her effusive new parent BS. Read her quotes and then tell me you don’t think some PR person is pulling that pretty puppet’s strings, because while becoming a mommy is incredible, amazing and all of those other demonstrative words that we overuse, it is the hardest job you’ll ever have. And some days are great and some days are not so great.
The good: You have this fantastic little person, who is the loveliest human being you’ve ever meet, and yes, getting pooped and peed on is funnier than it is disgusting, spit up is no bother, and feedings are actually fun because you finally have someone to watch all that bad TV you’ve DVR’ed in the middle of the night.
The not-so-good: Poop and pee makes you feel nasty and stinks, spit up worries you that the baby’s sick or allergic to something, and you’re way too exhausted during those 3AM feedings to enjoy this week’s Housewives Reunion Part 8.
So it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. No matter what Suri/Brooklyn/Apple/Zuma/Blue’s mommy says.
I just get a little ticked off when I hear celebrities talk about how wonderful everything is, all the time, about everything! Heidi Klum and Seal were so desperately in love and constantly bragging about how good that lovin’ was that it actually made me feel bad that my own husband and I weren’t building igloos or jet setting off to India with 300 of our nearest and dearest to renew our vows every year. And now they’re divorcing. And we’re still together despite not having renewed anything and never advertising our love on TV. We just really love each other…that seems to work for us. Actually, feel free to print that.
All I’m saying is that Beyonce is probably not going to do an interview that touches on the downside to newborn parenting. After all, being the king and queen of the music world most likely entitles you to a night nurse and multiple nannies, even if they pretend they do it all themselves. If you have a “team” of people working for you, you’re probably not staying up all night with a crying baby or getting thrown up on the one morning of the week they can find the time to shower. If only I had a publicist, manager, full-time house staff of 25, personal chef, driver, and bodyguards, I bet I could find someone to change my kids’ sheets when they wake up from an accident in the middle of the night.
So to all of us “Average Jos” out there, don’t bother trying to keep up. Real life is good and bad, organized and messy, happy kids and cranky kids…and we’re all keeping it more real than what you see in the tabloids.
After all, just because it’s printed, doesn’t mean it’s true!

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