Mommy Dirt


Mommy Dirt

I read a fantastic article on Yahoo, you know, where I get my real news of the day, about things you should NEVER say to a mom. I couldn’t have written it better myself (http://shine.yahoo.com/team-mom/8-things-never-mom-161800431.html)

It gives a list of all of the awful things people say to you once you become a mommy. Instead of telling you what a great job your doing with your perfect little angles, typically, people love to dish out back handed compliments. You know, like when someone tells you that you look thin. Not just, “you look thin”, but rather, “Wow! You look so skinny, what did you do?” The unspoken part being, “Because you were fat for so long.” Well, fat, but also pregnant, but no one cares that I had a person in me (and tons of Taco Bell, but that’s besides the point) for about 3 years straight. All the jerk that’s calling me out for finally losing my baby weight is thinking is, you must be so happy that you can finally join the skinny jeans craze. Gee, thanks. Here are some other winning comments…

Poor baby, you look tired: I know I look tired. Like most parents, I live in a constant state of exhaustion because I happily allow my kids to suck up every ounce of my energy. You’d be tired too if you spent most of your day jumping from living room dance parties, to hide and seek, to making breakfast, lunch and dinner (only to be asked mid-meal for something completely different), to cleaning up breakfast, lunch and dinner, all the while running the kids back and forth between the play area/kitchen and bathroom to keep from having to clean poop and pee off of the floor, them, and myself, every 10-15 minutes. So I get that a trip to the dermatologist is going to be the only thing that’s going to “refresh” my sleepy face, but I also know that if you feel that you need to remind me that I look tired, I might muster up my last iota of energy to punch you out.

Where are you going???: You may remember from my original post that to me, during the week, dressing up means I’ve showered, dried my hair using a hairbrush, swept on a touch of makeup, and thrown on something that isn’t lined in fleece or has an elastic waistband. My shoes might actually have a heel and my overall appearance might be worthy of a non-chain restaurant meal, complete with a big girl glass of wine! But don’t mention it. Asking me why I’m “so dressed up” is like asking me why I don’t look like my normal shitty-dressed-self. I think some how we’ve decided that we’re not giving all of ourselves to our kids if we spend a couple extra minutes in the morning putting on clothes that can’t be described by an activity, ie. yoga pants, tennis shoes, warm-up jacket, but I’m pretty sure my kids won’t suffer if, from time to time, I take a minute or two to throw on pants that have a button AND a zipper. I’m pretty sure nice pants and knee boots are not going to be the things that ultimately fuck them up.

Let’s face it, I know what I look like. I look in the mirror even if I don’t fix the problems. Sure, you might be able to see even more grays that you did last time I didn’t have a chance to color my hair, but do you really need to point ’em out? You’re “poor baby’s” and “don’t worry’s” are not helpful, friendly or comforting. Nope! They actually just make me want to get out the permanent Sharpie and go to town circling YOUR problem areas, little Ms. Perfect, so back off!

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